Theresa May’s Top 10 ‘Complex Reasons People Visit Food Banks’.

1. They have an irrational fear of shopping.

2. They are method actors researching the roles of people who can’t afford food.

3. They are eccentric millionaires.

4. They are pretending to be hard up in order to portray marvellous Tory austerity policies in a bad light.

5. They have memory problems and forgot they aren’t poor.

6. They have been duped into believing they have no money, by a team of radical left-wing hypnotists.

7. They think Food Banks are jolly good fun.

8. They are circus acts, travelling from town to town and don’t know the best cafes to eat in, so this is easier.

9. They fancy the volunteers who run the service, and need an excuse to get close to them.

10. They are UFO enthusiasts, building an Alien Landing Strip out of tinned and packet foods.

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