Friend Request

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Thank you for the Freind Request
Melissa Lafontainne
Out there in sunny California
You look like one real classy dame.

Your ‘Complicated’ Relationship
Adds a nice touch of mystique
Alas, I will not be accepting
You bogus bleeding freak.

I bet you’re really Dave from Doncaster
Or maybe Wayne from Staines
Using titillating photos
To mess with middle-aged men’s brains.

Or might be someone I have blocked
Could even be an ex
Who’s used a random picture
Of a lady in her kecks

Or maybe you are genuine
Wouldn’t that just be a pisser?
Passing up my chance
To get to know this model type, Melissa

But then, what would we talk about,
Whilst you sunbathe on your back?
Me at home, watching the snooker
(‘Ding Junhui just fluked a black’)

There are some guys who fall for it
(Yes you know who you are)
Who think, she must have read my profile
Fancies me now, from afar

Time and time again
They become Friends with dodgy lasses.
Who’s only posts thereafter
Are adverts for sunglasses.

Something’s fishy here, I’m certain
So these wise words I write to warn ya
Don’t fall for Miss Melissa,
Lafontainne from California.

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