David’s Leaving Do

It started with a cheery toast,
Chin chins and upraised tinctures
Then May turned up, dressed to the nines
Which tightened several sphincters

Hunt looked quite at ease tho,
Gave a supercilious grin
At the sound of floor connecting
With Theresa Villier’s chin

Gove slipped out the back door
Osborne called a cab
Nicky Morgan got a heartfelt, moving
Sext from Stephen Crabb

The starter got a mixed response
Strange tasting, not much fat
Dave sighed, all misty-eyed, and said
‘I’m gonna miss that fucking Cat’

There were fine wines and a suckling pig
With an apple in it’s gob
Which the head chef had inserted
To head off David’s knob

Boris couldn’t make it
He was on a foreign jolly
In his place they put a mop-head
With a sign on: ‘I’M A WALLY’

With jibes at Turkey, Canada,
Russia, Germany and France
His official job description,is now
Minister for Bantz

Leadsom, sloshed, was overheard
”Of course, she never could have babies”
From a splendid giant Brexit Cake
Leaped out a naked David Davis

Then someone found old Gideon’s stash
He’d left behind in haste
So they stuck it in the punch bowl
For everyone to taste

There was a rowdy drinking contest
Leavers V Remain
A disorderliness ensued then, that
Bercow himself, could not contain

Liam Fox in just his socks
Nay Nay’d to the Wu Tang Clan
Priti Patel: ” Let’s play a party game,
My favourite one’s Hangman!

Amber Rudd, she went on twitter
Took a selfie in the loo
Wrote ‘Methinks I’m on the shitter’
And hash-tagged it #DavidsDo

Backs were stabbed, secrets blabbed
And poor old Justine Greening
Got called a northern monkey
In a manner, quite demeaning

Laura Kuenssberg was there too, of course
Due to her undivided loyalty
Of treating every Tory like
A member of the royalty

And then towards the evening’s end
When they were on the stinky cheese
Up rocked one hundred and seventy-two
Rebel Labour MPs

They all told Jeremy Corbyn gags
Chuckled about the coup
And no one mentioned austerity
At David’s leaving do.

2 thoughts on “David’s Leaving Do

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