A Cautionary Verse For Celebrities


Dear famous folk, beware, take care
Be you funny, talented, clever
The grim reaper is not impressed
And no one lasts forever

If you wish your obits, to love you to bits
To celebrate your lifespans
Then don’t vote Tory, don’t shag kids
Or sext with those wide-eyed fans

Don’t get papped when tired or pissed
Don’t don’t be un-pc, even humorously
For even though you’ll still be sadly missed
They’ll rake it up posthumously

Don’t mark your card, remain unmarred
Or when you finally croak
Someone will say, ”He weren’t that good”
Or ‘She once took some coke”

Fame may turn you into a name
Might even make you a sir or a dame
But when you’re dealt The Ace Of Spades in the ‘big card game’
When the curtains close on your La Boheme
After the RIPS, then follows the shame
Let’s Dance on their graves
Let’s flan the flame

A life lived in the public glare
Or one lived more lulled and lowly
No death means less to them that loved
To them that truly know thee

But, if you’d prefer a poison-free eulogy
And a sweet-scented, thornless wreath
Then dear celebrities,
Do not talk, or eat, or walk
Best not to fucking breathe..

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