Cabinet Of Horrors #22 – The Shit-Spreader
Cabinet Of Horrors #21- WESTMINSTERWORLD
Cabinet of Horrors #20 – Dominic Grieve
Senior Tory MP, Dominic Grieve says –
‘Britain should not crack down on tax havens, as doing so would destroy their livelihoods’.
If you agree, please join our protest march against Tax Haven Closures.
Badges £1.50 only. Support the Tax Avoiders!
March this Saturday! Join us and help the persecuted millionaires!
What do we want? More schemes for the rich!
When do we want them? Now!
Cabinet of Horrors #19 – Mary’s Baby
David’s mum, Mrs Mary Cameron, cropped up in PMQs the other day. Here she recalls when her little darling was born..
Cabinet of Horrors #18 – Chuka The Axeman
The Shadow Business Secretary, whose favourite word seems to be ‘aspirational’. Chuka chucked his hat into the ring of the Labour Leadership contest, but then withdrew three days later, citing his discomfort with the extra scrutiny he’d come under, as the reason. Poor lad must have been sweating like a chronically ill person at an ATOS assessment.
So the answer to the above question is, – a lot. He would chuck out a lot of dead wood. Problem is that his Deadwood List would be quite extensive, and would no doubt include. Old Labour, Left-wingers, students, the unemployed, the low waged, the sick, the disabled, the poor and anyone else he doesn’t deem to be ‘aspirational’.
His greatest fear? That would be the Deadwood Stage that’s a-headin’ on over the hills, driven by Jeremy Corbyn..
Cabinet of Horrors #17 – The Leaning Tower of IPSA
Perhaps not as famous as other London landmarks, such as The Shard and The Cheesegrater, but impressive nonetheless, The Leaning Tower of IPSA, is made entirely from cash money, and stands conveniently close to Westminster, whose MPS are to receive a £7,000 a year pay raise, courtesy of it’s generous neighbour.
An eyesore to many, Londoners have nicknamed the structure, The Statue of Taking Bleeding Liberties..
Cabinet of Horrors #16 – Priti The Banshee
Minister of State For Employment, Priti Patel, has rules out looking into whether benefit sanctions damage those with mental health problems..
Here’s a number from the musical, Westminster Side Story –
I Hate Priti
I hate Priti
I hate Priti
She’s so shitty and twitty and shite
And I pity
Any one who isn’t well tonight
I need calming
I’m self harming and scarring, but she’ll
Do sweet nothing
She doesn’t care one little bit, how you feel
See that Priti girl in the cabinet
Running the DWP
She’s Priti grim
Such a Priti mess,
Hear her Priti drone
Like some awful banshee
I feel anxious
Feel like crying and hiding away
For we’re fucked
If Priti Patel has her way
Cabinet of Horrors #15 – The Plutocrat
In space, no one can hear you claim..
Cabinet of Horrors #14 – Harman Munster
Here she is, the Acting Leader of the Opposition, acting being the operative word, as she can currently be seen playing part of a rancid Tory, and very good at it she is too. I don’t know whether to laugh or be afraid..
“We opposed 13 Welfare Bills during the last government and it got us nowhere”.
Yeah, it’s called struggle, you treacherous nob.
Here’s Labour’s Harman Munster. And a big Lurch to the right…
Cabinet of Horrors #13 – The Austerrorist
They’re big on inheritance, the Tories. So, the Budget Box his smoking rucksack, Osborne The Austerrorist fixes it for our kids to inherit poverty, debt and narrowed life choices..
Cabinet of Horrors #12 – Kameronye
After a poll by The Guardian suggested that the vast majority of Glastonbury revellers voted for the Tories at the last General Election, David Kameronye has, rather arrogantly, some would say, declared himself to be ‘the world’s greatest living politician’.
His booking as Prime Minister for another 5 years, was always going to be a controversial, opinion-splitting affair, but is he worthy of the headline billing bestowed upon him?
No, say his detractors, who complain about overuse of the N word (Nandos), and accuse him of being ‘badly out of tune’ on many issues, which they say was glaringly apparent during the Queen’s Speech..
Then there was the recent attempt by wheelchair-bound but nevertheless swift protesters, to invade and disrupt his platform, during the scrapping of the Independent Living Fund. The intruders were quickly rushed away in half-nelsons by his burly security-guards, the police.
Whatever your thoughts on the man’s brash self-prowess, no one could credibly deny his success as a scrapper. He scraps welfare, legal aid, the NHS, etc, cherry-picking his targets with keen precision, whilst amassing millions for himself. Mans knows his business.
Now, I ain’t sayin’ he a gold-digger, (when people are in need). But he ain’t messin’ with no broke..
Cabinet of Horrors #11 – The Decision Makers
Cabinet of Horrors #10 – Suzanne Evans, Conked!
Divide and Conk Her!
Cabinet of Horrors #9 – Mad Lizzie – Be Afraid.
Cabinet of Horrors #8 – The Blood Sucker and The Pick Pocket
Following the sad passing of two much loved British actors, Christopher Lee, famous for his ‘Blood Sucker’ roles, and Ron Moody, who played an infamous pick-pocket, a spokesperson for the Government has released a short statement:
”We’d like to add our condolences and to assure the British public, not to worry, we have it all covered..”
Cabinet of Horrors #7 – Hannibal Duncan-Smith
”His pulse never went above 85, even when he ate her tongue..”
High Court rules, – Delays to disability benefit payments unlawful,
Cabinet of Horrors #6 – The Queen’s Speech
Cabinet of Horrors #5 – The Chancer
And so it continues. David Cameron’s seemingly sick joke on us all, that being, to match the most inappropriate candidates imaginable, for certain ministerial positions.
We’ve got a pro-capital punishment guy for Justice, an anti-gay marriage girl for Equality. This is his reward, awarded us for giving him enough seats to form a government. I say reward, I mean hell. I say us, I mean a small group of shy Tory voters, I say government, I mean, cunts. The latest addition to his band of brigands, is Justin Tomlinson, the new Minister For The Disabled. Let’s get this over quickly, like tearing off a sticking plaster. He voted for the bedroom tax, natch, but then we get to the grim stuff. He voted against benefit exemptions for cancer patients; against the long-term sick and disabled receiving Employment and Support Allowance on the same basis as if they had made sufficient National Insurance contributions to qualify for a contribution-based allowance; against setting the lower rate of Universal Credit in relation to disabled children at a minimum two-thirds of the higher rate: He’s perfect for the job, in this new sick-joke 5 year plan.
But there’s something else. As a student, he placed a bet on himself to become Prime Minister by 2038. If he succeeds, he will receive £500,000. What a knob. Just remember that, if he replaces Cameron and runs for office in 2020..
I complained to the BBC a couple of months back, about a report they did on sickness benefits, where they inferred that whole communities claim disability allowance. They illustrated their report, at one point, by showing a hoodie walking past a betting shop. They fobbed my complaint off. Next time they do a report, as well as a hoodie, they will probably show this chancer, the disability-hating minister for Disability..
Cabinet of Horrors – #4 – Carol Dineage, How did that happen..?
When Carol Dineage was appointed new Minister For Equality, it was questionable to say the least, as she had previously opposed same-sex marriage. But my worst fears were confirmed when I discovered that she was related to one of my favourite TV presenters of yesteryear, her dad, Fred.
My generation will remember him mainly for that enduring children’s ‘Magazine Show’ -as factual programmes were then called – How! A show where regular panellists, Bunty James, Jon Miller, Jack Hargreaves and Mr Dineage would answer questions on subjects such as science, history and maths, which were answered with some kind a visual demonstration. Each question would be introduced with a raised hand, palm out, and the Native American Greeting of, How!
The series ran from 1966-81, and returned for a short run in 1990. Now I’d like them to bring it back, for a special one-off, so that I can ask the questions:
How! Did a woman who opposes gay marriage get a job overseeing equality?
How! Exactly are groups that often face discrimination, such as the LGBT community, supposed to have any confidence in such an appointment?
How! Do the Tories even have the gall to make such catastrophic and crap appointments?
How! Can we get the nasty, hateful, appalling fuckers out?
Cabinet of Horrors #3 Farragenstein’s Revenge
We thought he’d stepped down. But He’s Back! – Coming Soon..
Cabinet of Horrors #2 – Gove & IDS, The Collaberators
Cabinet of Horrors #1 – Warning! Product Recall: Dandy, Liar & Murdoch