Sponger Porn Square Eyes

By TVCrap Reporter – Dick Splash

If you are one of the growing army of armchair fans of watching people on benefits, on the box, then rest assured this particular strand of  reality TV, shows no signs of slowing down any time soon. Benefitsploitation rocks! and with C5 set to give us Benefits By The Sea, TV commissioners and producers everywhere are coming up with up ever more interesting takes on the genre, to ensure their viewers get up close and personal with state supported spongers, willing to parade themselves in front of the cameras for our entertainment. So here’s the choicest pick of a slew of new sponger porn telly spectacles, coming soon.

First up, if you loved Benefits Street, then you’ll adore What’re The Odds They’re on Benefits?

Steve and Leanne of What're The Odds?

Steve and Leanne of What’re The Odds They’re On Benefits?

A clever take on it’s predecessor, WTOTOB? introduces us to a cast of dodgy, welfare claiming families who just happen to live at odd numbered properties. Brilliant twist! Series producer, Jo Korwatt, describes the first show in the series as being ‘..like Shameless meets Inside No 9’. We can’t wait. Jo has also just finished making a one off special, Benefits On The Stairs, which follows several residents on a midlands estate who all live on the top floor, and who receive housing benefit. Nice touch. Can’t wait for that

Climbing Claimants under the microscope.

Climbing Claimants under the microscope.

And if you were thinking it’s only the crowded inner cities where folk hold their palms out for free dosh, then you’d be wrong. White, Wind-Swept & on Welfare goes to wuthering heights and the most isolated locations in the U.K. to find dole-scum, up against the elements. That’s a can’t-wait-for-one, in my book.

John, Kirsty and Jamelia getting blown around and supported by the state.

John, Kirsty and Jamelia getting blown around and supported by the state.

Then, back in the inner-cities, Scalded Skivers, coming soon to The Reality Channel brings us lots of, in-your-face footage from the country’s busy A&Es and hospital wards where bandaged, red skinned patients get government hand – outs whilst recovering from moderate to minor burns ( can’t wait).

ben scald 5

Meanwhile, Kill Me Now productions are excited to announce their forthcoming 3-part investigative documentary, for ITV, – Britain’s Laziest Look-A-Like Layabouts. Producer Nick Ideas says ‘ On one Sheffield estate alone, we found twenty odd residents who could easily get work as celebrity look-a-likes  if they really tried, but they prefer to claim JSA or disability allowance, and stay at home’.

After being given an exclusive peek at the first episode, I can guarantee that you are in for a treat. I loved ‘The Queen’ telling ‘Jack Nicholson’ “I had to have a s**t in the lift, because the ****ing thing got stuck for an hour”, whilst ‘Marilyn Monroe’ throwing chips at a rat, was also fun. Can’t wait to see the rest.

Lazy Look-A-Likes

Lazy Look-A-Likes

But my personal fave of this bumper crop of malingerer mayhem has to be Clowngers. That’s right, scrounging clowns! You are probably unaware, as was I until I read the blurb for this show, that quite a lot of people who are content to bleed the state’s coffers whilst doing sod all else, often dress as clowns as a hobby. But wigs, make-up, costumes and props don’t come cheap. So who picks up the tab? That’s right, the good old British tax-payer. It’s almost like this circus of idlers, are mocking us.

In fact, it’s almost as if it’s we, the hard working strivers, who simply want a little benefit porn, light relief of an evening, were the real fools. I can’t wait.

clown ben 6
And finally, a word to the government: Please don’t slash billions off the welfare budget and make it harder for these people to claim benefits – otherwise how else are we going to get our weekly fix of sponger porn?

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