Poem: Little Hatey Shock-kins (A Cautionary Tale)

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Audio Recording: ( For Bedtime Story Fans ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3bNjJ4binQ&feature=youtu.be

There’s a brand new doll on the market
The ‘must have’ in this year’s Xmas stockings
But she’ll throw all your other toys out of the pram
It’s – Little Hatey Shock-kins.

In floral dress and white cardigan
With dainty shoes and wide eyes
You can dress her up however you want
But her contempt, you’ll never disguise.

With a hardened exterior, that cannot be chipped
She’s tough, not like those made of china
She wasn’t born in no cabbage patch
And she’s no raggedy-ass, Play School  Jemima.

She’s doesn’t like being mollycoddled, with hugs
She can stand on her own two feet
She requires no feeds, she gets all that she needs
From suckling on Satan’s fat teat.

She’s also a money box, into the bargain
Place a coin in the slot, in her back
That will activate ‘Speech Mode’
Then you can listen to her, talking cack.

Probably best to do this when you’re all by yourself
Or you’ll risk upsetting your friends
As she has lots of horrid remarks on repeat
Designed to cause much offence,

To large people, gingers and pregnant mums
The Scottish, and all kids called ‘Tyler’
Folks with tattoos, and immigrants too
She’s quite the hate-list compiler.

”I just say what other people think”
Is her usual, well-worn excuse
So how come she never says, I’m just a nasty-arsed,
Garbage-spouting old moose?’

So I told my dearest daughter, No,
I won’t buy into this cheap, tacky figure
Make do with your Princess from Frozen
Your Winnie The Poo, Roo and Tigger.

But I WANT her!, she bawled I said, Hush now my love,
Stop all your crying and snottings
If you’re grumpy like this, well then, little miss
The last thing you need’s Hatey Shock-kins.

I suppose she was like you, once upon a time
Delightful, cute, playful, unsullied
What happened there then, I wonder, who knows?
Was she badly mistreated and bullied?

She’s a barbed girl, In her barbaric world
In her eyes, ‘independent’ and ‘plucky’
Yeah, one part Sindy, two parts Bratz
Three parts, Bride of Chucky.

Well, I held my girl tight, as I kissed her goodnight
And gave her the gentlest of rockings
Whispered, Always be strong, don’t let men do you wrong
And don’t ever be like Hatey Shock-kins.

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