Postcard From The Edge Of The Yellow And Black Line

INT. STUFFY POST OFFICE WITH JUST ONE CLERK SERVING – AFTERNOON
 
Man stands in an interminably long queue. Customers mutter and tut as each transaction seems to take an age. The man focuses on the notice PLEASE STAND BEHIND THE YELLOW AND BLACK LINE  and awaits his turn. He eventually reaches the front of the queue. Just one person being served at the window then it’s his turn. He glances down, checking that his toes are not over THE YELLOW AND BLACK LINE. He is as careful as a champion darts player at the oche. The customer at the window, a loud and overly cheery Australian woman, holds a large parcel.
 
                                                                                                    
WOMAN:   This is going to AUSTRALIA. It’s for the folks BACK HOME. I know I’ve missed the deadline for it to arrive in time for Christmas but I’m still sending it. I know it won’t arrive before Christmas though. It’s for the folks BACK HOME. You know, in AUSTRALIA! They’ll be expectng it!
 
The clerk smiles patiently and nods, asks the woman to put the parcel on the scales and tells her the cost of postage.
 
WOMAN:   That’s GREAT! UNDER A KILO! WOO HOO! ( punches the air) Haha..
 
The clerk smiles thinly.
 
WOMAN:   That’s great. Good job I didn’t put the SHORTBREAD in eh? HAHA..
 
The clerk smiles benignly
 
WOMAN:   Now, do I need to write down a list somewhere? A list of what is in there? Write it on something?
 
CLERK:   That’s not necessary
 
WOMAN:   I can write a list. I mean, there’s perfume in there..
 
The clerk shakes his head. The man in the queue leans forward slightly, mentally urging the woman to get on with it, then realises that his upper body is over THE YELLOW AND BLACK LINE. Might this trigger an alarm, he wonders? Maybe he’d be sent back to the start of the queue as a punishment.. 

WOMAN:   There’s perfume in there aaand..a few dvds..aaand some CDs.. I can write a list..
 
The clerk repeats that is not necessary and hands her the stamps, which she sticks on slowly and deliberately whilst humming loudly. She then pays and the clerk invites her to put the parcel next to the window. He thanks the woman then stares straight ahead.
 
WOMAN:  They aren’t Christmas presents this year. They’re NEW YEAR PRESENTS! HAHA..
 
The clerk looks past the woman, at the man in the queue, with an expression that says – If you were to step over THE YELLOW AND BLACK LINE now, and remove this lady with a headlock, then I would not have a problem with that..
 
 

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